It's been one year since I first felt the walnut-sized lump in my breast. Last August I was happily nursing my four-month-old, thinking I might have some kind of infected lymph gland...totally unaware of how completely my life was about to change. I really miss my old life.
Last week I had my CT simulation for radiation therapy. They had me lie on the table so they could position the arm rest, head rest, knee rest etc. exactly right for me; they took photos and a CT scan, so they can create a computer model of me for planning my treatment; I got drawn on by my radiation oncologist (I'm getting rather used to being drawn on); and they tattooed two little dots on my chest, as markers so the radiation beam is aimed exactly the same each time (I didn't feel one of the dots, as it is in my numb area, and the other felt like a little pinch). I will go back for a 'dry run' probably some time next week, and then will start the actual treatments--which will be every day, five days a week, for a total of 33 treatments.
This week I am finally following up on that pancreas thing. Wednesday I will have an endoscopic ultrasound and biopsy. I'll be put to sleep, and then the doctor will send a little ultrasound device down into my stomach so he can look at the cyst on my pancreas...and then he will do a biopsy of it through the stomach wall. I'll be at the hospital for three hours. I am pretty nervous about it, but trying to remain calm and positive.
My foobs are feeling a bit better, or I guess I'm just getting more used to them. At a recent visit to the plastic surgeon, I got my first 'fill'--75 more cc's of saline added to each expander, for a total of 375 cc's. After the fill, my muscles felt better but my ribs hurt a lot more...that is the main discomfort I have now...it's really painful to bend forward, like the top of my rib cage is being crushed by the foob-rocks. The way they fill the expanders, in case anyone is wondering, is this: a magnet is run over the breast to find the metal port inside the expander; when found, they mark the spot with a pen; then they come at you with a GIANT syringe of saline, which scares the hell out of you--but then you realize that you can barely feel the needle going in. It feels strange as the fluid goes in, like it's getting tighter and tighter, but not painful (except the ribs as I mentioned).
I've been on tamoxifen for a few weeks now. I've actually experienced a slight decrease in hot flashes, rather than an increase. I was a bit worried, as I've read that an increase is a good sign that the medicine is working, but my oncologist told me not to worry...it just means that my ovaries might be waking up a bit from the chemo-induced hot flashes. The only other side effect I've noticed is a vague, mild queasy feeling that will come over me a few times a day, which passes after just a minute or so. So all in all, so far so good. I've never been a pill-taker, never used to take even a multi-vitamin...but here is what I take now every night before bed: tamoxifen, vitamin C, vitamin D, B-complex, Cal/Mag, Immune Defense with IP-6 (boosts killer cell activity), and a digestive enzyme. It helps to swallow them all with dark chocolate almond milk! I'm also taking homeopathic arnica for the bruised ribs, and a homeopathic remedy called Lymph Tone, to help with lymph drainage and flow since I am now a bit short on lymph nodes.
Emma is off to her senior year at Virginia Commonwealth University. Lily and India are gearing up for the new school year...they have been shopping for their school supplies and new shoes (both had huge foot growth spurts this summer). They are excited to be starting at Patrick Henry (in 5th and 1st grades respectively), our local public school...finally they will be going to school with their neighborhood friends. Griffin is the cutest 16-mo-old ever, and is doing all kinds of amazing things: climbing ladders, walk-running REALLY fast so that mom can't keep up, kissing and hugging his sisters, learning the names of different Thomas the Train engines (they all look the same to me), and saying a few words (uh oh, beep beep, baby). He seems to be entering the 'terrible twos' a bit early, with frequent screaming and tantrum-like behavior...which I believe is due to not being able to nurse. Nursing diffuses toddler frustration like nothing else. We never experienced the terrible twos with any of the girls. My heart aches with sadness at the loss of our nursing relationship.
Well, that's all for now. I'll keep you all updated on the test results this week and the upcoming radiation treatments. Thank you so much for your continued support and good thoughts and prayers.
Love you all,
Liz
