Surgery After All

Hello, blog, long time no see.  I just read my last post, from last January, and since most of it has changed I thought I'd post an update.  After many months of thinking I did not want to do the extra surgery, I then started shifting over to wanting the improved results again...and now I have ended up scheduling the reconstruction touch-ups PLUS extra liposuction!  What was I thinking, you may ask?  Well, I'm not quite sure at this point.  I don't like going under, and the last thing I need is more medical bills.  But there was a time when I was sure I wanted to look better, and felt this is my one opportunity to do it, and that I just want this to not be hanging over my head anymore so I can be finished with it all, and the longer I put it off the less likely I am to ever do it...I know I still have those thoughts, but I've just gotten nervous and doubtful as the surgery day has approached.  This has been a much harder decision, even though it's a minor procedure compared to everything else, because it's optional...but I am trying to think of it as if my plastic surgeon is an artist, and I am his work of art, and he wasn't quite done and truly believes he can make his work of art more beautiful...I really do want to look better if I can.  There are uneven dents and flat areas that don't look right to me, and a bit too much asymmetry, and I'm also hoping he will be able to fix a few scar issues...and, I will be losing a bit of unwanted fat here and there.  Anyway, my blood pressure issue is much improved with the medication, so I'm hopefully good to go.  The surgery is in two days, on October 9th. 

All else is well...I saw my breast surgeon over the summer and everything looked good...she treated me for a small sebaceous cyst, but that's all.  I see the oncologist in a few weeks, and the radiation oncologist in November, for my regular check-ups.  So far, still N.E.D. and hoping to stay that way.  A bit of lymphedema still, but wearing my night-time sleeve seems to keep it to a minimum...I really hate the day sleeves, they are so uncomfortable, so I don't wear them.  I feel healthy, most of the time healthier than I used to feel before...although occasionally I feel extra tired and stiff/achy.  Oh, and big news: the hot flashes stopped abruptly in May, just stopped overnight...instead of several intense ones per hour, I now get maybe one or two mild ones per day if any.  Weird, and I worried at first that it might mean the tamoxifen wasn't working anymore, but my oncologist says not to worry...and I sure don't miss them.

I just walked in the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk for the third time, with my wonderful family and some friends.  Although it was relocated to Six Flags, instead of downtown DC, because of the stupid government shutdown, we still had a great time and raised some money to help the cause.  Each year at the walk, I have taken a picture in my 'survivor' shirt...you can see the progression of my hair re-growth:

                       This is two years ago at the Richmond Making Strides...I'm on the left.

                        This is one year ago at the Richmond Making Strides...I'm on the right.

    And this is yesterday, at the DC Making Strides...two years of hair growth without a single haircut.


That's all for now.
-Liz

Surgery Cancelled

Friday (Jan 18) was supposed to be my last bit of reconstruction surgery...a lift of the left breast and fat grafting for both.  Got up at 6am, went to the hospital, checked in, changed into a gown...and my blood pressure was sky-high.  It's been high-ish in recent years, and really started creeping up this past year, but had never been this high as far as I knew.  On Friday they were getting 170's over 130's, way over their safety threshold.  The anesthesiologist cancelled my surgery...too much risk for stroke.  So I am now on blood pressure medicine.  I feel weird about the surgery...I was anxious about it, as usual, even though it was a minor procedure compared to my other surgeries...and spent so much time preparing for it mentally, emotionally, as well as practically...and then to have it suddenly not happen was a big adjustment.  I felt like I was playing hooky all weekend...having fun and getting stuff done, instead of lying around recovering from the surgery.  I decided to take the cancellation as a sign, however...I was not totally sure I should be having that surgery, since it was for cosmetic purposes only...not sure the risk of going under anesthesia (and the nausea/vomiting I always get afterwards, not to mention the extreme bruising/pain caused by the fat grafting) was worth it just to achieve a little more symmetry.  So I'm pretty sure I won't be rescheduling it.  They are fine, there are little things I'm not happy with, but I can live with them the way they are. 

I saw my breast surgeon last week, Dr. Golesorkhi...I had been feeling a shooting pain off and on in the right breast, and thought I felt a little lump...turns out it was nothing, just my rib and possibly a muscular spasm (?).  But while there, I found out Dr. G is leaving the practice to move to another one pretty far away.  I'm so sad I won't get to see her anymore...she was the doctor I saw first, who did the biopsy, called me with the diagnosis, and performed my mastectomy...she was always so caring and concerned about me...we've been through a lot together.  The other surgeons in the practice are wonderful too, so I'll be well-cared for, and I only need to go there once a year now anyway.  But I'll miss Dr. G for sure.

On a positive note, the lymphedema I had in my hand is gone now.  I haven't worn the compression glove in several weeks, and it seems fine.  The physical therapy sessions and compression garments helped a lot, I think...plus my injured finger, which triggered the lymphedema in the first place, finally healed.  Hopefully it will not flare up again.

President Obama's inauguration today made me so happy and relieved...four more years of a great president, and four more years at least of Obamacare!  I think he's going to do great things this term.
-Liz

Cancerversary #2...and Hairy Business

I'm coming up on my second cancerversary, on January 18.  I'll be in surgery that day, getting my left breast lifted a bit and some more fat grafting to round them both out.  What a way to 'celebrate'.  I feel so thankful right now for my excellent team of doctors, for still being here, for feeling healthy, for being NED, and for another year spent with my husband and kids.  The approach of the day has  had me thinking through it all yet again.  I guess each passing year will allow me to feel a bit more removed from the trauma...sometimes I do feel pretty matter-of-fact about what I went through...other times the fear, sadness, and shock strike again.

I came across the one picture I have of me bald...so I thought I'd post some hair pics just for posterity.

Here's me "before", when I was pregnant with Griffin.  Hair was long and pretty straight, but had developed a tiny bit of wave especially with a layered cut.

And here's the bald one...which was taken right after my last chemo treatment:

Here's what I usually looked like back then, with scarf or hat on:

Here is me with my new stubble, during radiation treatment:

And here is a more recent shot...with my new curly hair (plus some pink sprigs):

I'm currently trying to decide what to do with my hair...on the one hand, after being bald for so long, I am loath to ever cut my hair again...but on the other hand, it's getting longer, and looking a little flat and thin on top.  Emma tells me my hair looks like a triangle.  So I think what I'll do is keep the overall length, but get some layers cut so it will have more shape.  I did get very excited recently, when I was finally able to put it up in a bun (with only a few clips to help keep the wisps up)...small victories.
-Liz